I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
