fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
