I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
