Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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