sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
