you didnt know i had herpes?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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