i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
