There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
