I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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