Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
