i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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