How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
