ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
