At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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