She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
