I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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