Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
