If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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