ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
