and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
