You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
