I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
