After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
