drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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