What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
try to milk me bitch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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