so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
