four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
