i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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