covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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