i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
