On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
