I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
