As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you win again, gameday.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
