the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
