mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
