walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
