covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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