Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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