Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
