apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the raccoons are back...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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