he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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