just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there's paper in my vomit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
