I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
