Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
