I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am available for nakedness
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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