you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
