oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
