This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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