Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
