Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
