I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
