My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
