Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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