I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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