some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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