Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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