I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
