There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
