so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He did a backflip because drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
