the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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