i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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