He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
