I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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