Sry I called you an 8
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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