i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
