WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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