i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
