Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
