Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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