i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
