There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So squirting runs in the family.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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