Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
