He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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