I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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