First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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